This article was originally published on Substack.

I write this with the delicacy of someone who went from feeling emotionally triggered and reactive almost daily, to significantly reducing how often I’m triggered, AND having the tools to deal with it in a way that soothes and validates my experience.

Let me introduce to you...The Trigger Diary.

This was something I started doing based off an anxiety technique I learnt when I was having CBT called The Anxiety Diary. The premise of The Anxiety Diary is that you carve out time to feel your anxiety so that it doesn’t affect your day-to-day life. When you get an anxious thought during your day, instead of letting it circulate in your mind you instantly write it down in your diary and then come back to it at your chosen time of day to process the emotion.

I began doing this in my early twenties and it helped me to feel more in control of my anxiety.

The Trigger Diary is different in that it acknowledges that when a big emotional trigger occurs, it’s not often something we can note and close our journal on to revisit at a later time.

Being triggered is like being set on fire.

It engulfs you.

Forces you to act. There and then.

You can’t just try to shove a trigger back into it’s box. That’s not how it works.

Before explaining to you how to create your own trigger diary, you have to have some semblance of when and how an emotional trigger shows up for you.

Awareness of triggered state

You have to be able to know when you’re being triggered, what it is that is triggering you and how your reaction takes shape. This can be difficult to do which is why I suggest that before you begin writing a trigger diary spend a few weeks being the observer. Notice what’s happening in your body and the common emotions that come up for you. For example, my regular emotions that completely overwhelm me when I’m triggered are anger and deep despair, which took me a while to learn how they manifest during an intense emotional trigger, so that even when I was unaware of what it was that actually triggered me, I could recognise the feelings within my body and start to take the steps to soothe myself.

The Trigger Diary

Once you’ve gainedsome awareness—you don’t have to be (and probably never will be) completely aware of every trigger and reaction you have—it’s time to turn to your trigger diary. 

The idea of The Trigger Diary is, not to completely eradicate you from ever being triggered again, but help you manage your emotional reactions and understand your inner workings around your triggers in order to help soothe and process your pain, which oftentimes results in the triggers shrinking and eventually disappearing altogether.

It’s difficult not to follow your emotional reaction when triggered, which is why beginning with gaining awareness around your emotions can help you to change that pattern; whether that be explosive anger, self-harm, or avoidance/distraction. The first step is to notice your trigger and change your reaction: instead of following your trigger and/or reaction, replace that with reaching for your journal. This one is definitely the hardest step but will be the most rewarding (it took me a while to stop myself during the intensity of my emotion, sometimes I would react, realise what was happening and then reach for my pen and diary).

Then you need to write down the following:

• the scenario that has triggered you: you saw your ex is in a new relationship, your mum commented on your weight (again), you missed your train and will now be late to an event, the friend who ghosted you is now befriending all your other friends… whatever has caused to to feel hurt, write it down.

• journal out your thoughts: see this as your brain dump space and write down everything you’re thinking and feeling (even especially if it sounds crazy).

• the behaviours you’re displaying: how does the trigger influence your behaviour? what does it cause you to do? maybe you’ve shouted at your spouse, thrown your phone across the room or poured yourself a neat vodka.

• the result of the behaviour: what happens when you act out? does it just generally make you feel shit or is it the catalyst for more damage, or both?

• the limiting belief behind the trigger: what belief about yourself/the situation/other people do you have that is causing this trigger to be activated?

• the truth behind the belief: this is your chance to come away from your own perspective and belief and look at the facts of the situation (usually this is different to your belief).

• what you can do about it: how can you soothe / protect yourself from this trigger going forward? my answer is usually always to “grab my trigger diary sooner”

Your journal should look something like this:

Trigger
Thought space
Behaviour
Result
Belief
Truth
Action

I’ve also created a YouTube videohere explaining these steps in a video

format with an example of a trigger so that you can see it laid out on the page.

This tactic is great if you’re able to reach for your diary and carve out 20 minutes to sit writing. It’s helped me and so many of my clients to come down from their triggered state into a calmer, more aware and in control state. I feel confident when triggers arise that I won’t fall into darkness by using this practise.

Let me know if you try it 👇🏻

About the Author

Emily Tisshaw is published in Stylist, Metro, Wired & HuffPost. She runs Fashion and Feelings, a Substack of weekly essays on womanhood and the messiness of being alive.